Melissa Reddick

This isn’t really related to Day 112’s post right off the bat.

And please keep in mind, I am a woman. I often think about relationships between women, women and men, and men.

So my question for today’s bonus content is this: what kind of rock bottom will women have to face as a gender in order to question the way we form relationships with one another? For the sake of this question, put skin color, nationality, heritage, culture, status, and any other line of division aside. Just treat women as all part of the same human race.

In other words, what kind of hardship and struggle do women have to go through in order to experience the kind of humility that will cause us to put our differences aside and see each other as sisters, and men as our brothers, and treat each other with humility, respect, understanding, compassion?

Why do we hold onto grudges and use them to justify perpetuating the same behaviors that we ourselves do not enjoy? When will we reach a point in our present day where we put that behind us?

A lot of people today believe they have good relationships, especially if they have a lot of them.

People who have a lot of relationships take the sacredness of those relationships – and the people in them – for granted. They underestimate what it takes to nurture a healthy relationship if they think having a lot of them means they are “winning”.

If:

• your relationships are based on mutual dislike of another woman (or other women);

• you are constantly bringing negativity about other people you claim to be close with, such as your significant other or your child(ren), into conversations with friends, coworkers, and/or other family members;

• you pit one person against another by venting about both of them behind their backs to the other one.

It doesn’t matter how many relationships you are juggling.

It doesn’t matter how many people are in your group chat.

It doesn’t matter how many group chats you’re a part of.

None of those relationships are a reflection of your sacredness. None of them reflect the sacred within you or the other people. Because you are not choosing to treat them or yourself with the respect that sacredness carries and deserves.

That is the glass floor I hope women can break through. It’s not a glass ceiling. It’s a false bottom that is stopping you from reaching your lowest potential. The one that comes when you admit to yourself that the life you are living is actually working against you.

Sure, it is keeping you busy. Yes, it is feeding your ego by making you look good (if popularity is important to you). It makes you feel important because you talk to a lot of people day in and day out. Do you ever ask yourself “what is the quality of my relationships?” “What kind of quality is it adding to my life?”

If anything, you ask “what am I getting out of this?” A network of like-minded people that might provide access to things you want and/or need? Of course. That’s what community does for one another.

What else?

Does the circle of friends you surround yourself with make you feel proud of who you are when you engage with them? Or do they provide validation for behavior that you would rather not fully examine?

If you are secretly miserable, it is more likely the latter.

So I ask again. What kind of rock bottom do women have to face in order to reassess the quality of our relationships and choose something better? Not just in the people we form relationships with, but first and foremost from ourselves and how we engage with them?

What kind of rock bottom – worst case scenario – do you need to experience in order to decide that your approach to relationships isn’t serving you any longer? What would inspire you to act with greater honor, respect, integrity, compassion, and harmony?

Have you ever considered what those words mean to you in the context of your relationships?

Do you think you might want to? Today? If not now, when would be best for you?

When it comes to relationships, women especially are in need of assistance. We like to pretend the men need more work, but if women were healthy the men could follow suite. If women work hard at mastering relationships, this could really be an area of expertise and self-mastery.

Be the Light.

Do you remember who you are when the Light shines from within? When the Light shines on your behavior, do you really like what you see? Are you proud of it?